Dangerous Drinks

Scrum half, bon viveur, Inverleith barman, Tim Henman's slightly pudgy wee brother ..... Malcolm Rennie is all of those things, but, to those who know him, he'll always be a pisshead. And who better to chart Danger's love of the demon drink than our very own Tony 'Nosebag' Wood, himself no stranger to the Sins Of The Sauce.

"Malcolm Rennie has almost finished the full spectrum in drinking terms. As a teenager, and in his primary school drinking days, he was very much a lager or straight gin man. During his early twenties he was introduced to red wine, possibly during his adventures in South Africa in 1997, and only now have his teeth been freed of the tannin stains.

"During Scotland's last visit to Dublin, Malcolm stumbled across Guinness, which led to the middle age spread years. He has always been a firm believer that 'Eating's Cheating', but the quantities of Guinness consumed on a weekly basis almost matched the calorific content of each pint, hence he became the fattest scrum half in Scottish Rugby.

"At the end of last season he began to see the error of his ways as a fat pie, possibly because the only clothes that fitted him were plus 4's, and a punishing summer diet of ice-cold Buds has seen him slim down to the size of a fat Tim Henman.

"Now, quite disturbingly, his drink of choice is cider. Denise is happy as she has managed to shift her first crate of Strongbow since 1992, but Hearts are apparently very worried that they may lose their shirt sponsorship deal to Stew Mel 2nd XV due to the amounts consumed at Inverleith.

"However, many of the younger element at the club, who used to look up to Danger as their father figure in terms of drinking capacity and staying power, have recently become disillusioned with his switch to the Welsh Rugby fan's favourite tipple, and are now looking for a new role model."

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